My Sweet Baby Huck

              It was just like any other day. I got up with Jake at 6:30 am, made him his breakfast packed him a lunch for work and kissed him goodbye. I made myself some breakfast and sat down to watch an episode of Gilmore Girls before I started my day. I had been feeling really sleepy and tired for the past week so I laid there a little longer. I didn't get up off the couch until about 10 am. I thought it was normal to be so tired and achy, after all  I was pregnant. I went over to my moms house and relaxed there for a while. My friends and I were planning a Halloween party so I went to the store to get some things for that and some other groceries as well. I took my little sister and her friend up to the mall and dropped them off. I got home, threw in a batch of laundry and made a big batch of Raspberry leaf Tea and started to read a Hypnobirthing book my friend had lent to me just the week before. I always liked the idea of having a natural labor and delivery and so I wanted to prepare and do all that I could to make that possible. Jake got home from work and we had fish sticks and rice for dinner. After dinner I gave Jake a much needed hair cut in our kitchen. My body was feeling really tired and worn down and my lower back had been aching all day, so after I finished giving Jake his hair cut I decided to get into the shower and relax. Before I got into the shower I grabbed the warm towels fresh from the dryer and started to fold them (we were out of clean towels). I remember lifting one of the towels to fold and getting a really sharp pain in my lower back. I had gone to the chiropractor the week before and so I thought my back was just coming out of place again.  The hot water helped to relieve the ache that was growing in my back. I got out and climbed into bed. The pains were not subsiding and I started to become worried, maybe this was more than just a back ache. I lied in bed and cried to Jake. The pains were becoming stronger and started coming every few minutes. I didn't want to go into the hospital and have them tell me it was just something so small and dumb. I fought Jake when he told me we should go to the hospital. After a couple more minutes of excruciating pain I gave in. We got in the car and headed to the hospital. I remember on the drive there repeating over and over again through my sobs "Oh God please help everything to be okay!" "Oh God please help everything to be okay!"
              Jake called my parents and told them what was going on. We arrived at the hospital around 8pm and entered through the emergency entry. We sat down to get checked in, but it hurt to sit. I couldn't help but to cry out. The ladies were very nice and only got the bare minimum of information that they needed and sent us up to the Labor and Delivery Unit. I' am so grateful we didn't have to sit and wait. Once I got to my room I got dressed in a gown and sat back in bed. I immediately asked if there was something they could do for the pain. The nurse said she didn't want to give me anything until they knew what was causing it. I remember laying back in bed and looking up at the ceiling and seeing a fire bug. I wondered how a fire bug got into the hospital and back into my room. I thought it was weird. The nurse started asking me a number of questions like 'What I had for dinner that night?' 'What was my birth date?' 'How far along was I?' etc. The questions became nauseating, I was in pain and I wanted to know why! The nurse was hesitant to check me to see if I was dilating or not because my doctor had not arrived yet. After many tearful pleads for her to find out what was wrong she went out and called my doctor to ask if she could check me. She came back with the OK and checked me.
            "Okay sweetheart, you're at a 5." Words cannot begin to describe the ache and worry that over came me. I began to cry even harder. I didn't know what to do. I just cried out 'NO NO NO NO.' Jake was there holding my hand. After that it was like everything just flew. I went from having 1 to 2 nurses in my room to 5. They wanted to start an IV in my arm. This one nurse poked me 3 different times and blew out one of my veins before she got it in. They had the blood pressure cuff on the other arm and a Doppler strapped to my belly to monitor our babies heart rate. In the midst of all the craziness my doctor and parents arrived. I had so many questions running through my mind and I asked every single one of them. I wanted to know why this was happening and what was going to happen to my baby. The doctor, nurses, my parents and Jake did there best to answer them all. There was no definite answer as to why is was happening and that was hard for me to swallow. My doctor checked me again once he got there and I had dilated to a 7 1/2. I was progressing quickly and my doctor told me that I will probably have my baby tonight. My heart sunk even more. Worry and an even deeper ache over came me. Why was this happening?!
          I was still in pain. I had to make the decision if I wanted to have an epidural or not. I wanted to have a natural delivery but I wanted to be present when my sweet babe was born. I knew that he was going to be taken away from me quickly and I wanted to soak in every possible thing that I could. I was in pain emotionally, so I wanted the physical pain to go away. I got an epidural around 10 pm.  Because I was moving so quickly they didn't want me to sit up to get it. So I laid on my side. The epidural only numbed my right side and I could still feel the contractions in my left. It was an ease from the pain, so I took it. They told me that I would start to relax because of the epidural and so I would move even faster and our baby could be here soon. The epidural actually did the opposite and slowed down my labor. After about half and hour of no progression, we decided to take the epidural out and give me a new one. It worked. My whole lower half was numb and I was grateful. I could finally sit back and try to take in what was happening. Not even a few hours earlier did I know I would be having my baby that night. Our lives had been flipped upside down. As things slowed down, my parents and Jake were able to sit back and get some rest. They told me to try and get some sleep as well, but it was impossible. All I could do was worry about my baby. Would he be okay? Will he survive? What did I do wrong? Who will he look like? How big will he be? Will he be in any pain? 
         I remember when my mom and dad first got there, one of the first things I said to my mom was "I'm so scared! I can't do this! We don't even have a car seat yet!" I wasn't able to prepare for my sweet baby Huck like I had wanted to. I was going to pack a bag of cute clothes to take him home in. We were going to have everything we needed for his arrival. I didn't feel ready, emotionally or physically to have my sweet baby Huck yet. As my family was sleeping and the doctors and nurses were out in the hall I had a few minutes to be with myself. The sound of his heart beat over the monitor was soothing for me. I looked up at the clock, it was almost midnight. I remember thinking 'I will probably have him around 2.' I don't know why I thought that, but after I felt a peace come over me. My baby was going to come, and he and I were going to be okay. The nurse came in every so often to check up on me and make sure everything was okay for the next little while. The hospital that we were at wasn't equip to take care of a micro preemie, so after he was born he would have to be life flighted up to a different hospital that was going to take care of him. The Neonatologist and Nurse Practitioner that were on call that night up at the other hospital had come down to be there for his birth. I felt a sense of relief knowing that these people cared so much to come down and help my baby with his first hours after being born. They both talked to Jake and I and told us what to expect. What the complications were going to be, and the possible complications that could arise after he was born. It was so much to take in. I was numb from the shock of what had transpired over the past few hours. I told Jake to stay with our baby no matter what. I had my parents here with me, and he would need his. A little while later I started to feel a lot of pressure. Jake went and grabbed my doctor. He came in and checked me, I was 100% effaced and fully dilated. It was 2am. They started to prepare the room for the delivery. All sorts of nurses, doctors and the life flight team was there.
              Our sweet sweet baby boy was born at 2:23am. He weighed 2 pounds 1 ounce and was 14 inches long. When he came out the first thing I saw was his little, big foot, he had such long little toes. There was my baby. He was here. He let out a few little squeaks that just pulled at my heart. 'Oh my sweet baby! Oh me sweet baby!' I repeated over and over. The doctor clamped the umbilical cord, cut it, and handed him off to the team of specialists. I could barely see my sweet baby through all of the people huddled around helping him. I'm so grateful for those people. They worked on him in my room for just a few minutes before they transferred him to a different room. An empty-ness over came me and I became overwhelmed with sadness.  I just layed there crying while the doctor finished up with me. The ache and guilt just ate me up. All I could do was cry. My mom was there and she tried to console me, but nothing helped. I just wanted to be with my baby again. After they had stabilized him, the Neaonatologist and nurse practitioner came in and told me how he was doing. They seemed very hopeful and positive about how well he tolerated everything. They also told me they would bring him in for me to see before they life flighted him to the other hospital. It was just a few minutes later and they wheeled him in. My heart started to pound. He was in a big incubator and connected to all sorts of machines. I asked if I could reach my hand in and touch him. The life flight crew said yes. I placed my pinkie in the palm of his little hand and he grabbed on and squeezed so tight. My heart melted, it was like he was saying 'Hi Mom'. They gave me a minute to soak in as much of him that I could. They wheeled him out and Jake followed. My heart was heavy. I cried out 'Please take care of my baby boy!' and then layed back and got swallowed by the emptiness that I felt. My baby wasn't supposed to come into this world like that. I felt guilty that I couldn't take care of him. I was his Mama and he needed me. I told the nurse that I wanted to get discharged as soon as possible. She told me it wouldn't be until the next day depending on how well I was doing. I became determined to heal quickly and get back to my baby. I got discharged 12 hours later. They were the longest 12 hours of my life...I needed to be with my baby and he needed me.

2 month update!

WOW! It sure has been awhile since I've updated this thing. Life just gets busy sometimes, and I lack motivation to update it as well. So with that being said, I'll get you up to date on the lives of the Jessop's!

We moved! Jake and I now live in a cute little 3bedroom 2bath house in Santaquin, Utah! We really lucked out finding this home. When we decided to move I got on KSL immediately to find someplace for us to live. Of coarse like every other newlywed we had a budget we needed to stick too. When I came across this house, it was love at first sight. We are paying the same amount of rent for this house, as we were for our apartment up in SD! Taking in consideration the difference in cost of living from the 2 states, I still feel like I found a GREAT deal!:) Our home is so cute! I have a lot more space to deal with then I had before, so cleaning everything takes a lot longer. We have a nice big backyard that we share with our downstairs neighbors. Oh yea, its a duplex. We live upstairs and a cute little family with 3 boys live downstairs. There is also a garden area! I'm so happy to have a garden!! I just got back from getting tomatoes, squash, watermelon, you know all the good stuff from Olsen's Greenhouse. I'm new at gardening so we'll see how it all turns out. (fingers crossed)

I have a job! Before I got married I was working as a dental assistant for Dr. Sorenson in Spanish Fork. He is such a sweet old man, I love working for him. My mom works for him as well. So when is comes to the schedule and getting days off its quite nice, because I just have to talk to my mom. The 2 of us are the only assistants because he is getting older and doesn't take on as many patients anymore. I actually didn't even have to go to school for it. When he needed a new assistant, he asked my mom if I would be willing to get trained and work there. I said yes, of coarse! So now that I'm back, he offered me my old job back. I'm so blessed with all of the opportunities that have come into my life. I only work part time so its nice to have some days off where I can keep up on our house and garden.

My family got a 2nd season! I don't know how many of you watched the first season of My Five Wives, but I thought it was pretty awesome.:) My brother Josh also got his mission call! He is going to Guayaquil, Ecuador. He leaves August 13th. I'm happy we have the rest of the summer with him, but just the thought of not having him around for 2 years makes me want to start crying. I've come to learn I'm a protective older sister. It'll be good for him though. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

We initially moved down here to for Jake to get on with another company to start his apprenticeship, but right now he is working for my  dad doing construction. Which is a good job, and we are blessed that he will always have a job and never be out of work. He will probably continue to work construction through out the summer because we have a lot of family trips and vacations planned. Its always easy to get time off when he works for my dad. If he was to get on with a new company it wouldn't be easy or a good thing to take that much time off. So he's working for my dad for now. I've had a lot of fun decorating our new home. Having friends over for BB Q's, and being only 10 minutes away from my family. Its actually quite nice, If I'm missing a seasoning or something from a recipe I can just run over to my moms and borrow it. I've never had that option before, its very convenient. :)

I'll try to be better about updating and writing about the new upcoming exciting events in our lives. Oh and I'll try to get pictures up of our new home. I'm not very tech savvy so I'll have to wait for Jake to get home.:)

A Stroll Down Memory Lane

Next Friday my family will be driving up here to help Jake and I move to Utah! Only 8 more days, and we will be saying goodbye to our first home. This place holds a lot of memories that I will never forget. I thought I would share with you as I ponder those memories. :) 

This is the first sign I saw when I first moved up here letting me know I was home. :)

 We live only 20 miles away from Mount Rushmore! Its more like a half an hour drive though. The roads are so windy and you are driving through the black hills. Jake drives past it on his way to work everyday. We can check that off our list of cool things to see.

 We started out only with what was given to us. No mattress, no furniture, nothing. We slept on an air mattress for the first 2 months. If you have read my last post, I talked about paying off our king sized tempurpedic bed. I'm pretty sure that's why we got such a nice bed. 2 months of an air mattress hurts your back! This is what our apartment looked like for the first 2 weeks or so. I had fun organizing and putting everything away..heh heh. ;)

 Our first night in our apartment I walk into our bedroom and what do I find on the wall? This beauty. Jake said he wanted to make our apartment feel more like home for me. Although it was a sweet gesture, it quickly came down. My husband is known for his dumpster diving skills, who knows where he found it.

 There is a TON of sights, parks, and things to do around here. During the summer we went to Keystone. Its a small little town just before Mount Rushmore. It has a lot of fun actives and rides and a big long strip mall. There was a ginormous slide there, it is a lot like the Alpine Slide for those of you that have been there. Keystone made for a lot of fun dates. :) This is us on a sky ride.

 Last summer we had some CRAZY storms! It rained at least 2-3 times a week. When I first moved up here I was like "Wow, its really rainy up here" to some Walmart clerk one day, and she said that it actually hardly ever rains and that is was abnormal for it to rain so much. I didn't mind tho, I love the rain. One day one of those rain storms turned into a hail storm. We were out looking at couches to buy for our empty apartment and then out of no where it sounded like our car was being hit my huge rocks or something. Jake quickly drove the car up onto the slope of an underpass and we waited it out with many other vehicles. I'm glad we did because when we got home Jake's car had lots of little dents in it. This picture is of Jake holding one the pieces of hail that were falling from the sky. There was also an amazing snow storm that hit us in October. Cars were buried under the snow. The power was out for a week. We lived off of chips and crackers for a couple of days, until the roads were cleared and we could go find some place to eat. We were too afraid to open our fridge because we didn't want any of the cool air to get out. I didn't want all of our food going bad! It made me think of an apocalypse. It was so quiet for 2 days while everyone hid in their homes, then when the sun broke through the clouds, you slowly starting seeing people venture out. Neighbors that I didn't even know I had came and talked to us, everyone was helping everyone dig out their cars. It was quite the experience. I have pictures of it on my FB, for anyone who wants to see.:) Who woulda thought talking about weather would be so interesting? haha

 There is also VERY PRETTY sunsets up here! Jake and I loved going out and watching the sunset.:)

Welp. I'm afraid that's all I got for now. I need to get up and make my husband and I some dinner.... Taco Salad sounds pretty good. I think I'll make that. :)

Oye..

Oye..that's the word I have been using a lot lately. Probably because there is going to be a lot going on for Jake and I in the next couple of months. In about a month we will be moving! Yay! :)  I love the opportunities and experiences that South Dakota has brought us, not to mention I think it has helped our relationship in tremendous amount of ways, that I don't think would have happened if we did live closer to family and friends. Jake is my rock, he is amazing and I don't know what I would do with out him, but I'm ready to be nearer to family and friends. When Jake and I went to go put our 2 months notice into the office of our apartment complex we were told we would have to pay another months rent after we leave. All along we thought it was a 6 month lease, but I guess it was a year. I guess we didn't read all of the fine print. We will have lived in our nice cozy apartment for 11 months! It has been so good to us, I hope we can find one like it when we move. 

As a lot of you probably already know, my family is doing a TV show! My Five Wives on TLC. It has been an awesome experience for my family, and has opened up so many doors to them. Jake and I will only be on one maybe two episodes seeing as we live in a completely different state. That's okay with me, I'm just so excited to watch my family! Seeing the commercials and articles online about my family is almost surreal. It hasn't really clicked with me yet, maybe it won't ever. I have the most amazing family, 5 moms and 23 brother and sisters. I'm the oldest, so growing up I always wanted to set a good example for them all. Whenever one of them is struggling is tugs on my heart. I hate seeing the ones I love in pain, but there is always someone there to help. One of the many perks of having a ginormous family. :) March 9th is when it airs. The anticipations is killing me.( not literally:))

My not so little brother Josh or as a lot of people know him as Brady landed in Africa today! HOLY COW! The big sister in me is nervous and worried about him, but I'm so proud of him. He always talked about going to Africa while growing up. We would look at picture books of lions and tigers and all the other wild animals down there and that sparked an interest in him. I'm so happy he has the opportunity to go. I have an Uncle down there right now serving in the Peace Corps. Its pretty awesome, so Josh made it happen to go and he will be staying with him for 2 weeks! He gets home just in time for the premiere of our families TV show. Have I ever mentioned how big of a stud he is? He has a jaw that makes the ladies melt, he is a big sweetheart too. I hope he has an amazing time down there.

Babies! Aah! So many cute, precious, angel babies have been born lately! One of my most very best friends just had a baby boy last week! He is so handsome and I can't believe I am old enough to have friends that are having babies. Where does all the time go? I can't wait to get my hiney to Utah and cuddle all of my friends babies! I will admit seeing all these cute babies being born has made me baby hungry. Yep, I said it. I want a baby! Jake has some goals he wants to accomplish first before we start that journey of our lives together. So I'll just have to reign it in and be patient. Jake will be such a good daddy, I just know it! :) I also just found out one of my close cousins will be having a baby in September! Yay! Babies...I just love everything about them. :)

Jake and I just payed off one of our bigger debts! We now own our lovely king sized tempurpedic bed. Its worth the pretty penny, trust me! And we will be paying off another one next month! Hooray for accomplishing goals.:)

Well despite the freezing cold weather, and my craving for babies life is pretty good up here in Rapid City. :)

Long time, No see.

So it's been awhile since my last update. I'm a slacker. There have been quiet a few blog posts recently, and so that is what gave me my motivation to write this one! Thank you fellow bloggers! :) Since it has been more than a month since my last one I'll get you up to date. 

Jake and I drove the long 12+ hour drive to my parents house in Utah for Christmas! We left after he got off work, trying to beat a storm that was coming. In the middle of no where in Wyoming at 1 in the morning it was a white out! It was horrible, we drove under 20 mph for at least 3 hours. It was a long miserable night. We reached my hometown hours later, and were greeted by a lovely camera crew. My family is doing a TV series for TLC called 'My Five Wives,' and they wanted to catch us walking into my parents house and seeing my family. We had just spent 14 hours in a car and had only 2 hours of sleep, I'm sure you could see it on our faces.  It wasn't really all that bad though. There is always a million people walking around our house, whether it be siblings, parents, pets, or neighbor friends. So the camera crew fits right in and has become part of our family. :) 

Christmas eve and Christmas morning were great! We woke up bright and early at 5 o'clock. I grabbed the recorder, I wasn't going to miss catching Jake and I's first Christmas together as a married couple! I'm sure it was a new experience for Jake celebrating Christmas with so many little ones, but he seemed to enjoy himself.:) While we were visiting I ended up getting really sick. :/ I wasn't able to do anything or see anyone that I wanted while I was there. I went to bed at 10 pm on New Years, while Jake and the rest of my family celebrated. Oh well. Jake got to hang out with his friends while we were there, so that's good. We ended up staying a little longer than initially planned, hoping that I would get better for the drive home, but that didn't happen. I slept for more than half of the trip home. I felt bad, that's a long drive to do alone, my poor husband. He is such a sweetheart! <3

Now that we have been home for almost a month, we have both gotten back into the swing of our routines. We just bought our first TV! Jake has been wanting to buy a Xbox for a while now, and I would always say "Okay! You'll have to buy a TV first.' One day he splurged and went and bought a TV and a Xbox! We can now watch the big collection of DVDs that we have. :) Our favorite thing that Jake and I like to do now is sit and watch The Office while eating dinner. It's nice, and makes for a wonderful evening. :) 

This past Saturday it was my 21st birthday! My amazing husband spoiled me the whole day. We went and watch my cousin Chris run at a track meet in Spearfish. He's a collegiate runner and is very good at it! Jake and I both did track and x- country in high school so we enjoyed it. After, we met up with some friends and went to Deadwood City. You know like off of Calamity Jane?! I was so excited! We went to a casino and I won a total of 24 bucks playing the slot machines. It was fun! We also enjoyed a nice dinner while we were there. I love my life being married to Jake. He is such an amazing man. Everyday he takes the time to ask me how my day was, and how I feel. He is so supportive of me. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky. Even though life throws you those tough days where you just want to throw your hands in the air and give up, that man always finds a way to cheer me up. I'm so grateful for him.

 Life is good. :)

My husband plays the guitar.

 For the past couple of days I've been feeling down in the dumps. I miss my family. Especially with it being Christmas season. Not being able to go to Temple square and see all of the beautiful lights, missing out on all of the fun Christmas parties, and basically everything else that comes along with the holiday. Not to mention my body hasn't been very nice to me for the past week as well. The one thing that has helped me through this rough week is my husband! He is so sweet. Have I ever mentioned he plays the guitar? And he sings too! The combination of my hunk, a beautiful voice, and a guitar is just wonderful!  He has written many songs for me, most are from when we were dating. My favorite one though is his recent accomplishment. He was going to sing it at our wedding but then chickened out last second! Ugh, I know! But thats okay, because I get to hear it all the time. :) When he sings and starts to strum on the strings of his guitar, it takes all of my worries away, and brings me back into the moment. I love it. I think I can speak for all girls when I say a man with a guitar and a beautiful voice is a gift from God. :) At least I think my husband is anyway. Here is a rap my husband made up for me back when we were dating. 

'Come gather round and ill tell you a story

Of a girl so fly, she da opposite of boring

theres no arguing here she is simply the best

if she was the gold rush id be headin west

Im telling you dude she the finest of the female

if shes was a cup then shed be the holy grail

if her brain had a name then it would be steller

if karlie was a book  would be a bestseller

listen up

if she was a guitar she’d be a takamine

if she was car she’d be a lambragini

if she was a magician she’d be Houdini

if she was linguine- chicken fricken fettuccine

if she was a fish then she’d be a beauty

and xbox game she’d be call of duty

if she was girl shed be a cutie

oh wait she is a girl, ha ha, brain tootie

if she was Chinese she be panda express

if she was a school subject she’d be recess

if she was a flower shed be a daisy

KFC she is potatoes and gravy.

 In all seriousness tho

Karlie your my girl

You mean more to me

Than anything in this world

I don’t think you could ever understand

What I feel for you. But I hope you can.

its hard to describe someone that blows your mind

you’ve got my heart and stomach all intertwined

No amount of words are ever going to do you justice

I want you to know, that to me your perfect

I know that I might be just fool with a dream 

but impossible as it seems

im gonna shoot for the stars and

Hope that you discover me in your heart

Cause I cant stay grounded and live

That’s just the way that it is.

Id completely understand if you wanted nothing more to do with this.

Before you go you should know

that I will never stop tryin

to make you laugh and keep you from cryin

I just want you to know how much you mean to me.

I just hope that you know how much you mean to me.'

-Jake Jessop-

He is a cheese ball I know, but that is one of the many reasons why I love his so much!

Mother Dear

For the past week or two I have been thinking a lot about my mom. She is such a beautiful person all around. For those of you that have met her, you know what I'm talking about. Whenever I introduce myself to someone, and let them know who my parents are, I almost always get a response of ' Oh I know Paulie! You look just like her. I love your mom, she is so sweet.' I'm not even kidding, almost those words exactly. There is probably not one person out there that can say one bad thing about my mom. She is so very beautiful, graceful, sweet, feminine, loving, and one of the most giving people I know. My grandma's up there too. That is probably where she gets it from. :) Growing up my mom always taught me to always care. Care about having things nice. Care about doing things the right way. For example, wrapping Christmas presents. My mom would show me how to wrap the corners right, so that they would look nice. Or, there was a time when my mom sat me down to practice my signature. She had taken me to the bank to cash a check, and my signature was unreadable, so she showed me a couple of different ways to write my name in cursive nicely. Just before I got married I walked into my moms room before bed to visit with her. She had asked me if I had any pajamas that matched. I looked down and said 'no, not really.' (I had collected high school t shirts and sweats for pj's) She responded with 'don't you want to look pretty going to bed?' I chuckled in response, 'we will just be sleeping mom.' Later that week she took me and bought me some very feminine and 'pretty' pajamas to wear for when I got married.  Growing up I loved to watch my mom put on her make-up and do her hair. I now realize I was learning while watching her, and I now do some of the same things. Through out the years I always just thought ' Oh whatever Mom, its silly to care that much about stuff.' Now that I have a house for myself to take care of, I find myself repeating something my mom would always say to me, "It's good to have things nice, you will never regret making things nice.' That is my motivation for having a clean house for my husband to come home to. Making the bed every morning when I get out of it. Decorating our apartment. Or simply getting ready for the day. I say those words in my head. I also say them to Jake as he helps me to make our bed on the weekends. His idea is to throw the covers up and call it good. I on the other hand want to make it 'nice.' My mom has been such a wonderful example to me. I look to her example when I'am trying to figure out the task at hand, or how to act in a stressful situation. My mom is my best friend, and I honestly don't know what I would do without her. I love my Mom!

My mom and my grandma!